Woopsies

So maybe I was a little conceited when I was all "Oh 50 books challenge? Pshaaaww" because thing is, I sort of stopped keeping track of the books I read. And the end of the year is ever nearing. I'm sure I could easily top the challenge of a simple 50 books in one year, especially when I'm a psycho in the summer and reading everything I lay my eyes on, but keeping track of them is a different story.
One book I can easily track and would like to discuss via myself and blog was The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak. Definitely one of my top ten books, if it would even be possible for me to narrow them down to ten. This novel is remarkable in every single way. The narration, story line, characters, dialogue- every tiny individual piece of it is amazing, and when they're all combined, they form this unheard of story that teaches of relationships, life, happiness, everything. I cried in happiness and sadness, and I certainly did not want it to end. I wanted to keep in touch with Liesel and Rudy and Max and Papa, they were some of the most real and touching characters I've ever read. All I can aspire is to one day be able to create something that could vaguely approach the level of impact this book had and will continue to have for me.

My Uncle Pete died today. He was in a bad motorcycle accident yesterday and landed on his head. It didn't look good from the start. We prayed and prayed, but I guess he was needed impossibly more elsewhere. I'll miss him forever, we lost him too soon. Everyone is still numb, it doesn't feel real at all. I don't know when it will.
The weirdly comforting part of it all is that he was an organ donor, and with his heart and kidneys he'll save three people. That is so incredible to me, he is just the guy that would go out while saving three people.
I've been thinking about that. I think now I'm going to start looking for the three good things that come from every bad thing. Its like my history professor says, everything happens in threes.

So I'm home from school for now, which is going pretty well. I like it a lot for the most part, but for right now its good to be home.

My kids are never getting motorcycles, thats for sure. I need some sleep.

Beach House Cottage

I'm currently residing in Mission Beach, CA in a beautiful little tiny beach bungalow.  I am here with four of my very closest friends on our senior trip, and I don't ever want to go home.  It is so beautiful.  I love the ocean to begin with.  I love the smell, the feel, the sound, even the sticky humidity that completely envelopes me.  I love this house, it's perfect.  I want to live here for forever.  We are literally probably twenty steps from the bay, and maybe forty from the beach.  We are going to the beach tomorrow.  Everyone is so chill and there are countless hot men!  Today at the bay we met this adorable little girl named Sophie who really wanted to just swim naked.  She is three years old and has a mop of white blonde curly hair, she's just adorable.

Okay, so this thing happened the other day that I sort of feel I should record somewhere, and this is as good as anywhere.  I have seen dead bodies before.  People at funerals, animals on the side of the road, etc.  We have this semicircle window above a large rectangle one in our living room.  There is a tree that overhangs the semicircle bit, and the fat robins that always gorge themselves on our cherries often get quite confused by the reflection of the tree on the window.  They fly directly into it quite often.  I was home alone and watching TV or something, and a bird flew into the window insanely hard, the frame shook.  I was shocked, I've never heard a bird hit that hard before.  I went to look out the window to see if the bird had already made it's dizzy escape.  But there was the bird.   And it wasn't just sitting there, it was trying to fly away, but in a gimpy way.  Like one wing was completely dysfunctional.  It would hop in tiny circles, until it gave up.  I went outside and sat there next to the bird as it died.  I don't really know why I did it, I just couldn't really walk away knowing that bird was dying alone.  Robins are stupid, I don't know why I cared so much, but watching that bird die was probably one of the very saddest things I have ever seen.  I've never actually seen anything go from living to not, and it was violent and shocking.

Wow now that I'm done with that downer moment, I kind of want to go back to the bay and look that the stars for the bit.  Maybe!  I like you California, you're one of the good ones.

senior pictures whaaat

Sarah took them for me today! I get to see them tomorrow, and I'm very excited.
She's going to be pro, I just know it, and if she forgets me when she's famous, there will be hell to pay. :)
Really though, despite how I am akward and despite that I brought a small-family-sized bag full of clothes, she was super patient and great and I do believe the results will be pretty great.
I will probably post some? Maybe?
We took them throughout Ogden, and it was fun times.
Minus the creepy old man that was watching me change in some bar parking lot. Freako, leaving a bar (most likely drunk and definitely creepy) at like six at night. ugh.

"Do you LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?!"
"yeahh."

and cue shudder.
I hope Derek does well with his Arizona interview!

(waaay overdue) edit:

a beautifully unedited photo Sarah took on my senior picture extravaganza.  I was looking at a seagull that happened to flutter by as her shutter clicked.  fancy that.

Maybe a little upset

I suck at blogging.
Today was a good day, I went on a friend adventure to Amy's Cage and Sarah took fun pictures- furthering my excitement for her to take my senior pictures. Too bad I don't know how to pose for real.

Anyway, so I'm upset. With my school.
I just recieved a response to my inquiry to Washington State University as to why I did not recieve a scholarship. They did not get my transcripts and test scores until February 26, while they were due by January 31. I paid for them to be sent more than a month before they were recieved.
There is nothing to be done now. I was awarded one scholarship from Utah State University, the Presidential-full tuition/fees, etc.-and I have to accept that by this Friday. So I will. I'm going to be an Aggie.
I don't really know how I feel about it yet.

50 books? really?

Thats it? Internet challenge: read 50 books in one year. I think I read over fifty books in one summer, so this should be pretty easy cheese. soooo I think I'll do a lil' review thing for each book I read? I have three so far (and a half). aaaand go:

1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Required for AP Lit, but I loved it. Every single bit of it, I thought it was great. I will definitely read it again. I just wanted to give Nick Calloway a big hug, cute little innocent man. And I'd definitely love to time travel to the setting of Gatsby, what with all the fashionable lifestyles and parties, but I'd probably skip over the depressing emptiness bit. Fitzgerald was such a genius.

2. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Also required, and pretty skinny, but I found I really enjoyed it. I liked the way it was written, with all the shifts in narration. I loved Robert, a lot. And though Edna was a little pathetic at times, I found I could really relate to some of the raw emotion Chopin described.

3. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neal Hurston
Also also required, also also loved it. For cereal, it was so so so great. A little hard to catch on to the dialect at first, but it definitely got easier as the book went on. Lovely descriptions, and awww Tea Cake! I was a fan.

thats all! Now I'll just finish Recovering Charles (not required!), but first English/government homework beckons. Cruel world.

void

of life, that is. Sometimes I get this really odd sensation of emptiness, or lack of meaning to my life. Maybe not my entire life, but the state of mind I currently feel assumes that. Its weird, because a million different things could trigger it, or sometimes I have no idea at all where it came from. So I guess I'm just writing this down to try to sort of make sense of a bit of it, or to maybe get a feeling of closure before I head off to bed. I need to finish vacuuming my room first, sorry sleeping dad.

Maybe I can lose myself in Gatsby a bit more before I fall asleep, and tomorrow morning all I will feel is utter and complete loathing for school. That sounds pretty accurate.
Goodnight

Today was too cold

today at piano lessons my teacher and I were discussing a certain contemporary composer and his seemingly inhuman abilities to play his compositions at warp speed. we were talking about how its so crazy that he can play them so quickly at ease, while its such a stretch for someone else (namely, me) to learn and get used to such a high speed. then I said something rather profound. I know the reason he can play them like that is because they are his, he wrote them. this is roughly what I said:"We have to get used to playing the music this fast. But its his song, he wrote it, so its easy for him to play it however fast or slow he'd like to. The song had to get used to him."

ok it was most definitely more profound in the moment.

Today it was so cold that it hurt. I am not okay with that. I need to clean my room if it is for this reason alone: to find my gloves. Morning steering wheel and bare hands are not a good combination for happy Noelle.

I ran away this one time

Once upon a time when I was little and my older brother was babysitting me, I hated him. Oh, I was also a psychotic and largely bipolar little girl. Anyway so this particular brother, whom I have since bonded with, was being all sorts of bothersome, and so I called him, and I quote, a "son of a bitch" (sorry mom) at the angelic age of eight, I think. I then grabbed my plastic heart-shaped bank with an easily opened lock - its contents including something along the lines of three Dairy Queen sundae coins and a few nickels and pennies - and my ratty pink "blankie" and headed down the street. I got about three houses down, and then returned. I can't exactly remember the details of my return, but I think he might've come after me, apologizing while trying to stifle laughs that would further my escape.

My poor brother. I'm sure he had no idea what to do with such a freakish kid.


P.S. I wish Christopher McCandless would've packed one map and lived. What a waste.

made of awesome

Wow, this is going to sound super bi-polar following the last post, but lately I am feeling so happy. After the rough patch, I am doing well, and I am just happy! Ok goofy. Lets see, perhaps I will just list some things that have been going on lately, that should be interesting.
I went to the zoo and to Sadies (pictures later), I painted half of my face green in a rare showing of school spirit, we sent in our first yearbook deadline on time- and the yearbook this year is going to be BEAUTIFUL I'm so excited, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, no wait, it is Thanksgiving now because I am up too late doing nonsense things like posting a blog about nothing at all, really.

Tonight I went to a friend's house and played ping pong, played with her cuuute little beagle, made brownies and hung out and it was a good time. We went to Maverick (drink, Palin audience) to get sodas and it reminded me of This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen, how the girls in that are always stopping to get their sodas.
I'm reading another book by Dessen, called Dreamland. It is kind of miserable, as this girl is sort of spiraling down into a completely different life than she started out with. But I like it, I like the writing.

My hands are really cold in this basement. I saw Twilight for the second time today, and I think I might love it even more. I'm just such a sucker, its terrible. Oh well! It probably won't be the last time I see it in theaters, either.
I'm going to end this blog on a sour note: I have a bone to pick with ChaCha (dial 242-242 and ask any question, there will be an answer!). What is your deal with limiting me to 20 texts a month?! Uncalled for. I miss sending nonsense texts just to get a nonsense answer back and to feel cool that I was texting someone that texted me back-ha! Ok really though, now I have to save up all my ChaCha texts for questions that I actually do want important answers to. Lame!
Thats all for tonight, I should really go to bed.

Take it away Utah State asian pizza lady:
"Hihowareyou? Youwantsomepizza? Sogoodyummy!"
thanks so much, Derek, for showing me the wonder that she is.

change

Wow, lots of stuff has happened since my last post. lots.
some good, some bad, but most of it can be filed under change.

People always always tell you you're going to lose and gain friends throughout school, and especially in high school. I guess I was always familiar with that inevitable fact, but I didn't necessarily personalize it too much.

I guess I should've. Maybe that would have given me more preparation- for losing some of my own friends, that is. I mean, there have always been certain rocky times with certain friends. But it was just nonsense, or I thought so, that we'd quickly get over and continue on with having good times. I always thought we were too tight, too close to go through the programmed high school losing-of-friends business.

I especially thought we were too close for it to be over things that were so trivial.
I'm not going into detail. I've rehashed it too much, and anonymous internet readers have no need or time for the finer points.

It just hurts. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did at first, but yeah, it still does.
And I hate so badly that it hurts me still, because I'm nearly positive that I'm the only one who's hurting.
I want to not care, at all. But at least I am faring better than I was. I keep trying to think of it logically. Its far better that it happened now than later. It helps me get ready to be done with high school, and helps with the separation that was needed to leave for college. So I'll continue to try to focus on the positive, and I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough. I just wish soon enough was, well, right now.

I'm lucky, though. I have a few friends that have stuck with me, and I can't even handle how glad I am that they have. I don't know what I would do if they all decided they'd had enough with me at once.
I hope these ones stick around for a good long time, even forever if they so choose.
I know I won't initiate any ends to friendships, so I hope they won't either.

I'm going to be okay.
I'll miss you, but it doesn't matter.
I'm going to be awesome.