change

Wow, lots of stuff has happened since my last post. lots.
some good, some bad, but most of it can be filed under change.

People always always tell you you're going to lose and gain friends throughout school, and especially in high school. I guess I was always familiar with that inevitable fact, but I didn't necessarily personalize it too much.

I guess I should've. Maybe that would have given me more preparation- for losing some of my own friends, that is. I mean, there have always been certain rocky times with certain friends. But it was just nonsense, or I thought so, that we'd quickly get over and continue on with having good times. I always thought we were too tight, too close to go through the programmed high school losing-of-friends business.

I especially thought we were too close for it to be over things that were so trivial.
I'm not going into detail. I've rehashed it too much, and anonymous internet readers have no need or time for the finer points.

It just hurts. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did at first, but yeah, it still does.
And I hate so badly that it hurts me still, because I'm nearly positive that I'm the only one who's hurting.
I want to not care, at all. But at least I am faring better than I was. I keep trying to think of it logically. Its far better that it happened now than later. It helps me get ready to be done with high school, and helps with the separation that was needed to leave for college. So I'll continue to try to focus on the positive, and I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough. I just wish soon enough was, well, right now.

I'm lucky, though. I have a few friends that have stuck with me, and I can't even handle how glad I am that they have. I don't know what I would do if they all decided they'd had enough with me at once.
I hope these ones stick around for a good long time, even forever if they so choose.
I know I won't initiate any ends to friendships, so I hope they won't either.

I'm going to be okay.
I'll miss you, but it doesn't matter.
I'm going to be awesome.